Today I found a morning show on a radio station that was commenting on the UC Irvine Anteaters' funny mascot name. UCI had busted UT out of baseball playoffs. The djs seemed to think there was no weirder mascot than the anteaters. i give you the santa cruz banana slugs.
it's been weathery here lately, which is a nice difference than the summer we spent in san antonio without rain.
Saturday DJ, the Otherh & I took in a show downtown. Nitzer Ebb (more correctly, Fisker McCarthy). My first live live live show. I had a fantastic time.
I wonder sometimes if having a fantastic time isn't within a good idea for the house, in case of toes being stepped upon. I don't want to step on toes, but neither do i want to sacrifice just a plain good time.
I bet it will work out, though.
I haven't been very up on the bloggerage because i've been plugging away at a novel, current word count 37025. I'm trying to crack 40K before I worry about 50K, honestly, but i get ahead of myself and I've been in a rut the last 3 days, which have crawled in the word counting.
The Otherh believes I'm obsessing. I don't know if I am, honestly. I know it's on my mind to actually finish it, but getting through the shit is hard, just hard. I want to know the ending to my own book.
What a profound statement.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
things i could do today
Domestic bliss, eh?
I did five loads of laundry yesterday, took all day because of a midday errand into town, which was a nice get away. then I fell asleep. So the laundry rally slowed some. Today I could shuttle boxes to my storage space in an effort to get the moth moved out some, and bring some more stuff here, in an effort to finish the job of moving in.
If moving is such a stressful event, why am I stretching it out to an untold number of days? Get it done, Magritte.
I don't have altogether that much to finish moving in, really, I have altogether that much to do to get my mother moved out. She took a cute, small apartment, in a friendly complex.
I will be saying goodbye to win xp on my desktop and instead take on the mammoth task of getting linux down to an art form, installing power linux, whatever that is, on a pair of big, hot boxes-- "hot boxes" is so sexy.
Yesterday the kidlet got everyone's endearment by saying to me, because his laundry wasn't finished before he went to bed: "What do you expect of me, woman!?"
He's getting used to me. I like that.
So, yes, today I could work more on the Onion, which is fast becoming the workinprogress title for my literary undertaking. The Otherh, upon seeing my scrawled, 10ft outline gave it the highest compliment:
"It's Very Joycean."
I should read more Joyce. And pray this thing doesn't take me 17 years to finish.
I did five loads of laundry yesterday, took all day because of a midday errand into town, which was a nice get away. then I fell asleep. So the laundry rally slowed some. Today I could shuttle boxes to my storage space in an effort to get the moth moved out some, and bring some more stuff here, in an effort to finish the job of moving in.
If moving is such a stressful event, why am I stretching it out to an untold number of days? Get it done, Magritte.
I don't have altogether that much to finish moving in, really, I have altogether that much to do to get my mother moved out. She took a cute, small apartment, in a friendly complex.
I will be saying goodbye to win xp on my desktop and instead take on the mammoth task of getting linux down to an art form, installing power linux, whatever that is, on a pair of big, hot boxes-- "hot boxes" is so sexy.
Yesterday the kidlet got everyone's endearment by saying to me, because his laundry wasn't finished before he went to bed: "What do you expect of me, woman!?"
He's getting used to me. I like that.
So, yes, today I could work more on the Onion, which is fast becoming the workinprogress title for my literary undertaking. The Otherh, upon seeing my scrawled, 10ft outline gave it the highest compliment:
"It's Very Joycean."
I should read more Joyce. And pray this thing doesn't take me 17 years to finish.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
A walk
A friend of mine is going to drive down the coast with her kids.
My favourite fantasy has been to drive down the coast and wind up in Corpus Christi, where I'll take off my clothes and walk into the gulf.
It's a grim fantasy, to be sure, but it still lives with me, like it's tattooed on my heart, in a fateful manner.
I don't like it. I like getting out of bed when everyone is still asleep and cleaning the kitchen before the sun comes up, having coffee at the ready when they all wake up. I like oatmeal for lunch, I like getting everything I need to get done before 1pm. I like accomplishing the little things, insignificant things that add up.
I fear I'm not good enough at the little things, or I don't get enough of them done to make any difference. I started running again, again, little bits, but hopefully it, too, will add up.
The grindy thing about mood disorders is the down side, after all the up has been spent. The doubts that crowd out belief, instead of encouraging it with healthy questions.
My favourite fantasy has been to drive down the coast and wind up in Corpus Christi, where I'll take off my clothes and walk into the gulf.
It's a grim fantasy, to be sure, but it still lives with me, like it's tattooed on my heart, in a fateful manner.
I don't like it. I like getting out of bed when everyone is still asleep and cleaning the kitchen before the sun comes up, having coffee at the ready when they all wake up. I like oatmeal for lunch, I like getting everything I need to get done before 1pm. I like accomplishing the little things, insignificant things that add up.
I fear I'm not good enough at the little things, or I don't get enough of them done to make any difference. I started running again, again, little bits, but hopefully it, too, will add up.
The grindy thing about mood disorders is the down side, after all the up has been spent. The doubts that crowd out belief, instead of encouraging it with healthy questions.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Approaching alone ness
After living here going on 6 weeks, I am going to be alone all day again.
This could be dire, I like un-alone ness.
I'm trying to frame it as best I can as a good thing. The otherh is going back to work, at a dream job, and everyone else has already been working, so that isn't terribly different. I'm always excited thrilled about the weekends, but the last two have been slightly rocky, not because we're all together, but because of other extenuating, get-it-together kind of circumstances. So I'm trying to approach being by myself as a positive.
This isn't my strong suit.
My strong suit is seeing things in as they are, not done up in curls and bows with smiley faces. I'd dress this up as best I could, taking the advice of my therapist (whom I adore) and charting a schedule, setting up routine. But things aren't entirely in place yet, I don't know how to routine around weird things like "change the address" and "finish moving the books".
I worked out yesterday, after having totally enough of my body.
The anti-metabolism brain tumor is doing it's damnedest to wreak havoc on my self esteem, I'm certain. (Not really, it's just easier to take that way.) So I went for a non-impact run on this kind of glider-thing that PE & DJ acquired at some point. When I started I told myself I was going to glide (or, in family parlance: "zoomy zoom"), for 5 songs, I went 6, which is good, right?! Today the goal is 10 songs and tomorrow is a day off for rest and rebuild and then I go back to 10 songs. Good plan, isn't it?
So, right, routine. I was very good at routine when I lived by myself 3.5 yrs ago, I managed to get into a groove as opposed to a rut. I had a budget, I had a walk I did, I cleaned my apartment regularly, it was a good thing. And then came Toronto and that kind of went to hell. I think I could arbitrarily set up what to do when and rearrange as the need arose, but that seems inorganic and slightly false. Anyway, today I'll stick to the work out, the regular house chores and some writing and see how that goes.
And I'll be alone doing it.
I have a feeling the Ipod will need one of those armbands that holds it to me permanently.
One of those things I hate facing is time with myself, if that hasn't been made abundantly clear. There are things I enjoy doing alone, such as shopping or driving or going to the market, but generally I prefer noise about me, the news on, the stereo going, the dishwasher making its sounds, etc. I got this from my grandfather, who gave it to my mother, in which it manifests as a 24 hr weather channel. And then there's me, who can't have enough going on.
Adhd much?
So to combat the time with myself I have devised something of a novel to write. I figure it's possible, I've read novels and I don't suck at writing generally. I have 7 feet of ideas written on butcher paper, and I know i have at least 7 more on top of that, I just don't fancy actually fleshing them out into a story. I could just write ideas for 78 more feet of butcher paper and feel accomplished, but the DJ and I have decided that we'll have drafts, at least, by August.
August seems very close suddenly, and writing 100,000 words seems a bit of a feat.
I'm already looking forward to Nanowrimo, though.
Thus it comes that after the chores and errands and routine things are done for the day, in that vast expanse between that time and the time where I go retrieve the kidlet from daycare I will be writing. Inventing a whole new world in which to play around while I spend the days by myself.
That and zoomy-zooming
This could be dire, I like un-alone ness.
I'm trying to frame it as best I can as a good thing. The otherh is going back to work, at a dream job, and everyone else has already been working, so that isn't terribly different. I'm always excited thrilled about the weekends, but the last two have been slightly rocky, not because we're all together, but because of other extenuating, get-it-together kind of circumstances. So I'm trying to approach being by myself as a positive.
This isn't my strong suit.
My strong suit is seeing things in as they are, not done up in curls and bows with smiley faces. I'd dress this up as best I could, taking the advice of my therapist (whom I adore) and charting a schedule, setting up routine. But things aren't entirely in place yet, I don't know how to routine around weird things like "change the address" and "finish moving the books".
I worked out yesterday, after having totally enough of my body.
The anti-metabolism brain tumor is doing it's damnedest to wreak havoc on my self esteem, I'm certain. (Not really, it's just easier to take that way.) So I went for a non-impact run on this kind of glider-thing that PE & DJ acquired at some point. When I started I told myself I was going to glide (or, in family parlance: "zoomy zoom"), for 5 songs, I went 6, which is good, right?! Today the goal is 10 songs and tomorrow is a day off for rest and rebuild and then I go back to 10 songs. Good plan, isn't it?
So, right, routine. I was very good at routine when I lived by myself 3.5 yrs ago, I managed to get into a groove as opposed to a rut. I had a budget, I had a walk I did, I cleaned my apartment regularly, it was a good thing. And then came Toronto and that kind of went to hell. I think I could arbitrarily set up what to do when and rearrange as the need arose, but that seems inorganic and slightly false. Anyway, today I'll stick to the work out, the regular house chores and some writing and see how that goes.
And I'll be alone doing it.
I have a feeling the Ipod will need one of those armbands that holds it to me permanently.
One of those things I hate facing is time with myself, if that hasn't been made abundantly clear. There are things I enjoy doing alone, such as shopping or driving or going to the market, but generally I prefer noise about me, the news on, the stereo going, the dishwasher making its sounds, etc. I got this from my grandfather, who gave it to my mother, in which it manifests as a 24 hr weather channel. And then there's me, who can't have enough going on.
Adhd much?
So to combat the time with myself I have devised something of a novel to write. I figure it's possible, I've read novels and I don't suck at writing generally. I have 7 feet of ideas written on butcher paper, and I know i have at least 7 more on top of that, I just don't fancy actually fleshing them out into a story. I could just write ideas for 78 more feet of butcher paper and feel accomplished, but the DJ and I have decided that we'll have drafts, at least, by August.
August seems very close suddenly, and writing 100,000 words seems a bit of a feat.
I'm already looking forward to Nanowrimo, though.
Thus it comes that after the chores and errands and routine things are done for the day, in that vast expanse between that time and the time where I go retrieve the kidlet from daycare I will be writing. Inventing a whole new world in which to play around while I spend the days by myself.
That and zoomy-zooming
Friday, May 11, 2007
Alas, i have been remiss in the postage
I've been reading. Fiction!
It's beautiful and overwritten fiction, but it gets in my head and i sit down to read and 4 hrs and 400 pages have gone by when I look up.
The family got a car last night, one of The Otherh's favourites, a Saab for all the travel on which he's about to embark, as he has taken a position 100mi away. At least he loves driving. But I'll be lonely, and yesterday it sunk in that I'm going to be alone in the house for a good deal of the next two weeks, til the Kidlet gets out of school and I fill my days with museums and libraries.
The DJ and I have lunch plans, and the PE and I have dinner plans, leaving all the boys home tonight.
Except I have a flat, which needs repair. Otherwise I wouldn't traverse into Manor today. Oh and the moth needs her security deposit. I won't go into that much but it seems the Brother is stalling in helping her out with rent.
Because of the nature of the Otherh's new job, we won't be able to pay out to the Moth much/month. The pay isn't as high as we're accustomed to, and we have the Fam to think on, now. And the pmt for another car, as well as upkeep on all other financy things. Maybe the pressure won't be so much at this gig, and the Otherh will be able to wind up and down with the drive. Maybe a hundred things. Maybe I'll start working out Monday.
Maybe a hundred things.
It's all up in my head, this book I'm reading. A trap I'll fall into is trying to write like that author, instead of like myself. I've had a wiggle of an idea since Nanowrimo last nov., but it hasn't panned out and it doesn't have fifty threads quite yet. It's just snapshots, and dim ones at best.
I'm glad the Otherh is getting places with the hunt. I'm thankful for the support DJ & PE have given us, I'm glad for kid-isms like, "I don't mind if you take me out to breakfast." and "Why is there a sun." (What?!)
It's beautiful and overwritten fiction, but it gets in my head and i sit down to read and 4 hrs and 400 pages have gone by when I look up.
The family got a car last night, one of The Otherh's favourites, a Saab for all the travel on which he's about to embark, as he has taken a position 100mi away. At least he loves driving. But I'll be lonely, and yesterday it sunk in that I'm going to be alone in the house for a good deal of the next two weeks, til the Kidlet gets out of school and I fill my days with museums and libraries.
The DJ and I have lunch plans, and the PE and I have dinner plans, leaving all the boys home tonight.
Except I have a flat, which needs repair. Otherwise I wouldn't traverse into Manor today. Oh and the moth needs her security deposit. I won't go into that much but it seems the Brother is stalling in helping her out with rent.
Because of the nature of the Otherh's new job, we won't be able to pay out to the Moth much/month. The pay isn't as high as we're accustomed to, and we have the Fam to think on, now. And the pmt for another car, as well as upkeep on all other financy things. Maybe the pressure won't be so much at this gig, and the Otherh will be able to wind up and down with the drive. Maybe a hundred things. Maybe I'll start working out Monday.
Maybe a hundred things.
It's all up in my head, this book I'm reading. A trap I'll fall into is trying to write like that author, instead of like myself. I've had a wiggle of an idea since Nanowrimo last nov., but it hasn't panned out and it doesn't have fifty threads quite yet. It's just snapshots, and dim ones at best.
I'm glad the Otherh is getting places with the hunt. I'm thankful for the support DJ & PE have given us, I'm glad for kid-isms like, "I don't mind if you take me out to breakfast." and "Why is there a sun." (What?!)
Sunday, May 6, 2007
More Moving In-ness
Yesterday we got the truck.
And last night we put our mattresses side-by-side so we now sit/lay/eat/sleep upon a Planet Bed, King+Queen.
And today we're setting up garage office, computer room office and figure out more laundry things, because it's turning out the the Otherh and I have an unchristian amount of clothes. Like giant piles bundled up in queen sized flat sheets. How did we come to acquire so many clothes? Where in the world do we wear such things?
The PE and the DJ have been very cool about absorbing us into their house. More than cool. They've been Superb. We're mixing up our pots and pans, computers and weird furniture.
A bit of Joy for us today: Manchester United won the EPL Cup.
DJ has been moving us in almost singlehandedly. He's very enthusiastic about nesting, it seems. Although I set up my own desktop computer & gear in the garage and now he's having me move it to the opposite garage wall. Which is a giant PITA but i'll still do it.
And last night we put our mattresses side-by-side so we now sit/lay/eat/sleep upon a Planet Bed, King+Queen.
And today we're setting up garage office, computer room office and figure out more laundry things, because it's turning out the the Otherh and I have an unchristian amount of clothes. Like giant piles bundled up in queen sized flat sheets. How did we come to acquire so many clothes? Where in the world do we wear such things?
The PE and the DJ have been very cool about absorbing us into their house. More than cool. They've been Superb. We're mixing up our pots and pans, computers and weird furniture.
A bit of Joy for us today: Manchester United won the EPL Cup.
DJ has been moving us in almost singlehandedly. He's very enthusiastic about nesting, it seems. Although I set up my own desktop computer & gear in the garage and now he's having me move it to the opposite garage wall. Which is a giant PITA but i'll still do it.
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