Approaching alone ness

After living here going on 6 weeks, I am going to be alone all day again.

This could be dire, I like un-alone ness.

I'm trying to frame it as best I can as a good thing. The otherh is going back to work, at a dream job, and everyone else has already been working, so that isn't terribly different. I'm always excited thrilled about the weekends, but the last two have been slightly rocky, not because we're all together, but because of other extenuating, get-it-together kind of circumstances. So I'm trying to approach being by myself as a positive.

This isn't my strong suit.

My strong suit is seeing things in as they are, not done up in curls and bows with smiley faces. I'd dress this up as best I could, taking the advice of my therapist (whom I adore) and charting a schedule, setting up routine. But things aren't entirely in place yet, I don't know how to routine around weird things like "change the address" and "finish moving the books".

I worked out yesterday, after having totally enough of my body.

The anti-metabolism brain tumor is doing it's damnedest to wreak havoc on my self esteem, I'm certain. (Not really, it's just easier to take that way.) So I went for a non-impact run on this kind of glider-thing that PE & DJ acquired at some point. When I started I told myself I was going to glide (or, in family parlance: "zoomy zoom"), for 5 songs, I went 6, which is good, right?! Today the goal is 10 songs and tomorrow is a day off for rest and rebuild and then I go back to 10 songs. Good plan, isn't it?

So, right, routine. I was very good at routine when I lived by myself 3.5 yrs ago, I managed to get into a groove as opposed to a rut. I had a budget, I had a walk I did, I cleaned my apartment regularly, it was a good thing. And then came Toronto and that kind of went to hell. I think I could arbitrarily set up what to do when and rearrange as the need arose, but that seems inorganic and slightly false. Anyway, today I'll stick to the work out, the regular house chores and some writing and see how that goes.

And I'll be alone doing it.

I have a feeling the Ipod will need one of those armbands that holds it to me permanently.

One of those things I hate facing is time with myself, if that hasn't been made abundantly clear. There are things I enjoy doing alone, such as shopping or driving or going to the market, but generally I prefer noise about me, the news on, the stereo going, the dishwasher making its sounds, etc. I got this from my grandfather, who gave it to my mother, in which it manifests as a 24 hr weather channel. And then there's me, who can't have enough going on.

Adhd much?

So to combat the time with myself I have devised something of a novel to write. I figure it's possible, I've read novels and I don't suck at writing generally. I have 7 feet of ideas written on butcher paper, and I know i have at least 7 more on top of that, I just don't fancy actually fleshing them out into a story. I could just write ideas for 78 more feet of butcher paper and feel accomplished, but the DJ and I have decided that we'll have drafts, at least, by August.

August seems very close suddenly, and writing 100,000 words seems a bit of a feat.

I'm already looking forward to Nanowrimo, though.

Thus it comes that after the chores and errands and routine things are done for the day, in that vast expanse between that time and the time where I go retrieve the kidlet from daycare I will be writing. Inventing a whole new world in which to play around while I spend the days by myself.

That and zoomy-zooming