apron strings

i need to let go of the mother. moth has been living with us since feb of '06, initially as a way we could all support each other after a bad spell. it didn't end until we moved into the Couples' house, which we're still doing (slowly, surely.) we're getting rid of a lot of things and one thing we're changing is how much support we give the moth.

this is causing a lot of angst in my corner. i have a weird soft spot for my mother, who left everything to take care of _her_ mother after the latter fell and broke a leg at 80. (She never recovered, and neither, i think, has my mother.) after gmoth's death in feb '05, the moth stayed on in san antonio (a far cry from her longtime home in southern california,) and proceeded to implode, it seems. she didn't work, hasn't really worked, since then. her inheritance, half of a house, was sold so my uncle could buy his way into ownership of the company for which he worked, guaranteeing my uncle a decent slice of security, but giving my mother very short shrift for all of her labour of love. the uncle has declined to financially support my moth for reasons that seem completely void of affection, and the moth is, let's say, not in her prime any longer.

we simply can't keep up supporting the moth and our new family. and we feel a great, loving responsibility to DJ and PE and the kidlet. And we need to make our own way now. it's a lot of obsession on my part trying to help out the moth and keep ourselves afloat, but i think our season with the mother is truly over. and i have a hard time giving her up to her own devices.

my therapist mightily suggested a small allowance, one much smaller than i had in mind. she also suggested i investigate someone else having guardianship over the moth's money. i.e. not me & the Otherh. i don't know who would do that. my brother has stopped taking my phone calls, and the uncle hasn't replied to a very reasoned, pointedly diplomatic email i sent. i feel cornered by my blood family at the same time my molecular family is blossoming.

i can't say enough good about DJ & PE. their support is unfailing. but they, with the Otherh, won't stand for me to be steamrolled by obsessing about the moth. which means this is likely the first and last post i'm going to devote to the matter, just for sanity's sake.

at first i didn't blame the moth for her incapacity to just get going. she had lost her mother, and was rightfully grieving. and then it lasted a year, longer. she didn't apply for work she didn't eat a lot, she didn't go out of the house. it was endless reruns of Murder, She Wrote and the Weather Channel on mute with a side of HGTV marathons. the ambiance got to me, i went through my own mood shifts with alacrity. the house got sold out basically from under us (as is), and we came northward to austin, the moth joining us in a large, expensive rented house in the country. she seemed to get on the ball and start sending out resumes around february of this year, and quite determinedly so, but took work as a housekeeper, despite having advanced degrees and endless experience from which she could draw. she was the recipient, it seems, of a gross amount of ageism. she started leaving the years she worked off her resumes, it didn't matter, whatever gig to which she applied had her transcripts from university, more than 30 years hence. right now there is a good opportunity for her to do what she actually does, but the interview for that gig isn't for nearly 3 weeks, so it's more waiting, more of us footing her weird food proclivities and cable bills until something comes to fruition.

she is confident it will work out, but i don't know why. i am confident we will be sucked dry of both soul and bank account before something turns around. this is very negative of me, forgive, but i need something on her end to really shift. i am tired; very tired of superstition and protein drinks, of falsely positive attitudes. of fat-girl comments (i am not fat) and "you're sick, you're different" rhetoric. i am tired of being the one who knows anything at all about finance, because i'm not that person. i can cook and mop floors and write a pretty good sentence. i really want to change everything in my life to better the new family. my family of molecules and found-love.